Fear, Procrastination, Repeat.

So I’ve been working on this novel for a while. Let me just call it TeaNovel, because it involves tea in some aspect and that’s what I’ve been telling my friends. It was my NaNoWriMo novel last year, and it has had me twisted in pretzels to make it work.

I have rewritten it about five times and each time, it gets way better. And each time, my morale pretty much sinks a bit.

I no longer have that super-shiny-novel-OMG-wheee! buzz. The plot still has problems. It has rounded out in many ways, and my characters have really developed, but it’s still…I don’t know. There’s still a long way to go.

And I’m sitting here, at my desk, chomping at it. I want this ready for this online conference I’m attending. It’s in six days. I need to write a query and a synopsis. It’s supposed to be a 70,000 word novel.

I have 45,000 words. 25,000 of which were written in the last four days. Which nearly killed me. I need to write 25,000 more.

On the bright side, it’s an incredible motivator. On the not-so-bright side, well, I can’t write Thursday and the weekends are pretty off limits, so I have today, Friday, and Monday. You can do the math.

I am listening to everything from Celtic jigs to Lana Del Rey to Christmas carols.

It’s the middle of August.

What’s worst is that my inner editor won’t shut up. It gripes about plotholes and inconsistencies and my nemesis; the too-convenient events. I love my inner editor sometimes. It makes beautiful prose. It gets me an A on my papers. But…not when I need to rewrite my novel in like, a week.

I am completely, totally, procrastinating right now. But I don’t have time to even procrastinate. It’s a self-made (well, conference-made, I guess) deadline that doesn’t even give me room to breathe.

I…need to go.

See you in a week, if I make it through alive.

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