Some things I’m thinking about

This is going to be quite an honest post.

Right now I’m sitting in sweats, listening to Skinny Love, sung by Birdy. Cheap earbud inserted into my ear. Procrastinating on my English and World Civ. homework.

But it’s rather funny, isn’t it? These times when you’re in the most normal of situations, but this feeling rises in you that you can’t quite explain, like everything inside you is radically shifting, changing, when all you are doing is tapping away at a keyboard, pouring your thoughts into a blog post.

This past weekend, on Friday the 13th specifically, a lot of seniors from my school got accepted to the college of their dreams.

I’m a freshman in high school right now. And I’m not going to lie; there’s a lot of college talk. Not just from my parents–it’s been discussed lightly in halls, words passed off as casual banter.

I’ve been wondering about this a lot and I feel like today, I’m going to finally open up about my thoughts.

College has always been the gold standard of education. I totally do want to go to college, get a good education, and move into what is supposed to be the beginning of an accomplished adult life. College is a privilege, not a right, and I respect that.

But I’m wondering–and please don’t blame me for this–can college make you blindsided?

My parents, my friends, some teachers put the goalpost of COLLEGE firmly planted in my sight. I should be getting serious about college. Do things to get into college. Get good grades. On and on. It has never been explicitly told to me, but the presence of college pops up freshman year, and then throughout the years, it intensifies.  

I have aspirations to publish a novel. Nowhere is “publish a novel” in the proverbial checklist to get into college. Writing is indeed very personal to me, and publishing is a hard world to break into, and even harder to become successful in.

Is it wild of me to have aspirations that are beyond getting into college? To dream of something that most adults would frown off? I have looked up so many author blogs, done research on agents. I have read about the entire publishing process. I have goals set for me and my novels. I know that if I fail one time, I try another. I may not be good at writing, but I know this; I do truly aspire.

Should the fact that I’m a high school student and that I should be focusing on schoolwork and extracurricular activities deter my writing? I have been told that I can always do my writing “later” but I don’t want to start writing seriously “later” because why not start now? I’m fourteen–by the time I am twenty-four, I will surely write better than I do now.

And I’ve always had this little anarchist side to me, this urge to express my thoughts and honesty. The point I’m making is; I want to get into college, and I will definitely try hard to get into college, but I really, really don’t want predetermined assumptions and generic expectations to get in the way of doing what I want to do at my age.

Whew. I hope I got my scattered thoughts into one coherent post. I’ll be back.


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