For 2015

I don’t know how I feel about resolutions. I feel like when I make resolutions, I’m binding myself to some sort of contract that gets broken two weeks into the new year and completely forgotten by April.

Let’s just have hopes, shall we?

I hope to find balance. 2014 was the year I barreled into, completely confident, and got completely spun around and smacked upside the head. It wasn’t just in writing. A lot of things I had believed got challenged, and at multiple points during the year I had things stacked up against me and responsibilities nipping at my heels and I slightly fell apart. I didn’t read as many books as I wanted to–I barely read any. My queries came back with rejections.  I got led off writing for a while, led on again, and found myself lost. But it was all necessary–and I learned what it meant to deal with unexpected outcomes, get my bearings, and learn to start again and persist and get shit done.

I hope to do meaningful things. At the beginning of 2014, I had a very different vision of what it meant to do meaningful things, and I found myself working not for myself, but for others. I aligned my expectations to others, and in the process of that I lost my way. I hope that in 2015 I begin to learn what it means to do things for myself, and become my own person. I want to look back in pride by 2016.

I hope to grow. 2013 was the year of sky-high expectations and dreams, wishes I now understand as unrealistic, and 2014 was a year of proving myself wrong.  I’ve learned what it means to work for a dream, and what it means to be a writer and a person. I’ve learned to deal with mistakes and consequences. And I hope to grow.

2014 was by no means a setback–amazing things happened to. I connected to people and found a network I was a stranger to in 2013. I met my favorite authors and remained connected to them. I’ve made huge leaps in my writing. I find my voice is stronger, louder, more resilient. I find myself wiser. Every year, I become more myself every day. And it took a year like 2014 to get exactly where I am.

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